Farting...Passing Gas...Whooshing...Tooting...Let em' Rip....Cut The Cheese....Flatulance...Stinker....

Whatever you want to call it everyone does it. The thing I don't get about it is when someone does it and pretends they didn't. Really? I think if you do it you should warn someone so they have the choice to move away or stay and smell your butt aroma. My Father in-law will be right in the middle of a conversation and without even a pause will just let one rip and continue on as if no one noticed. Did he not notice that? Did he think I wouldn't hear the bomb go off in his pants? Should I laugh or puke? Is it rude if I walk away? Isn't he the rude one? Sigh..so many mixed up feelings.  My boss will toot and stand right next to me, as soon as I catch I whiff I ask him "did you just crap your pants?"His face goes red and he apologizes. Did he think I was just going to quietly stand there in our small space were sharing and smell his crap. I think not! How about when my bro in law and I were ripping up my Grandma's floor and were bent over right by her bum and hear a whoosh.......apparently you lose elasticity in your bum when you get older (I'm guessing). We both looked at each other wondering what that whooshing sound was but then it hit us......and we had to bail outside to get some fresh air. Also if you did it, you should fess up. Be proud. My family is still trying to figure out who the culprit was 10 years ago on a trip to Seattle. We have it narrowed down but they still deny it. It was unreal. If it was me I would gladly step up to the podium and accept my award with a speech...But someone is still denying it. I get it, we all do it people but a warning would be the polite and right thing to do. It's a funny thing and we should all respect it and those around us. 

Six Pack or Keg?

Ever notice how nice and flat your stomach looks when your laying down. I noticed that mine was looking awesome the other day in Pilate's as she had us lay down and stretch out. Wow! Its so flat, is that my stomach...I check again...yep, its mine. Then I sit up..Ugh...yep its mine. Where does it go when you lay down? In your back? Then I'd look like I was laying on a hill or I'd look like a camel. Is it just on this inside of my body? Why can't it stay there when I'm sitting or standing. Is it possible to still have my active life and somehow be horizontal so that I have my flat stomach? Can I walk around in a back bend all day?